Weekly Confession Post #2

Disclaimer: This is taken from an undisclosed website. I.e. I did not write this.

"My son has learned how to transport a fart to another location.
If someone (other than him) passes gas, he will run over to that person and inhale the fumes into his lungs. He will then run over to another person and exhale the contents into their face.
I am so proud of him!"

Damn Lawyers!!

"BRAD Pitt just might be the latest celebrity caught with his pants down. Pitt's lawyer, John Lavely, has sent around a letter saying that pictures of the star were taken while he was on the balcony of his Los Angeles home. The letter threatened legal action against anyone who publishes the shots. We can only imagine what Pitt was wearing - or not wearing - to warrant legal action."

How many ripples can you count??

List: The quirky things I do

I have to put my socks on before my clothes.

I brush my teeth before getting ready to leave the house even if I had brushed them a little while ago and have not eaten.

I talk to myself when I go shopping. I will go into lengthy discussions with myself about an item and how it would match this or that etc.

I talk to myself when driving (I leave my headset on to camouflage this)

I have to keep my feet covered when sleeping in case they get bitten off by the monster. God forbid I dangle them off the side of the bed!

All items must be perpendicular to each other or else.

I continue to look up while on the elevator to see which floor we have reached even when there is no number there. I will continue to look up again and again, in ratio to the number of people on the elevator with me.

I keep my socks and underwear color coordinated and categorized.

I will watch two shows simutaneosly while using the 'recall' button.

I MUST sleep in total darkness. Therefore, I have silly putty covering the stupid digital lights on my stereo, tv etc.

I am too scared to look into a mirror at night, in case 'bloody mary' comes to get me.

In the shower, I must wash my hair before my body or else I feel 'wrong'.

I believe I can communicate with animals and that because I am 'special' they would never harm me.

I have matching socks, slippers etc for my pyjamas, which must be worn together and as a set. (I thought this was normal, until my friends slept over and pointed out that it was in FACT quite anal)

I do not eat garlicy/oniony items, since the taste in my mouth keeps me up at night. Therefore, wait for it..... I keep a tiny jar of turkish coffee powder next to my bed jar just in case.

I got rid of the teddy bears in my room because they were staring at me. I understood from the stares that they had planned to kill me in my sleep, so I got rid of them before they got rid of me. However, I kept a couple of cute ones because they 'stood up' to the bad teddy bears.

What are the quirky things that YOU do?

Winter is here!!

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For $40, you and your ipod can go out together in style :P

My Mama and Me

“Mama barkeely tha3aft ba3ad kilo”
“E 3afya 3al sha6ra, bes ba3ad yabeelich, khasa min ihny”
“Wain?”

She pointed at my ass.

“Yuma hathy insay, mako fayda, hathy ‘trademark’ il 3ayla, sarlich 100 alf sina itgoolynly 3anha. Khal a36eech min il akhir, law aseer 3ood, hem ma ra7 itroo7!”
“La 7abybty lazim itraw7een’ha”

I thought to myself, (Oh no! Not this conversation again!)

“Mama ya3ny ana min wayn yayatny, mo minnich?”

She started laughing and sat on the floor showing me this floor exercise.

“Shofay ana ayam awal knt aroo7 il nady wasawy hal tamreen, win'mas7at mara wa7da! Shofay chithy saway.”

She continued doing that exercise while I was cracking up. I decided enough was enough; she has been nagging about my jiggly ass since I hit puberty. I thought of a new approach.

“Aslan tadryn yuma, il7yn il mawtha il makwa ikbeera, 7ita gamaw iysawoon 3amaleeyat tajmeel 3ashan iykabroonha!”
“Eee ashoof ana thak il yom bil soug, 7a6yn sirwal feeh baloonat bil vatreena”
“Ee seraweel, o 3amaliyaat, kila 3ashan yaboon hathy” I pointed to my ass.

“Ee khosh 3ayal daam ina sarat mawtha, chood iygoom soogich”

Gee wiz, thanks mom :P

Wipe my ass Cinderelly

Here I was thinking society was progressing, when my baby sis sends me this:

Office Healthy Food Delivery

Name: Food 4 Thought
Site: www.f-4-t.com
Number: 2474158
Delivery: Kuwait city only
Times: 7:30am-3:30pm

Recently, a friend of mine sent me the link to their website. I was amazed at the professionalism and just how funky it was. They even have a racial equality motto (which is too corny for me to repeat) but still, great concept. Each item on their menu sounds mouthwateringly delicious and the best part is that they include all nutritional information. Including Cals, protien, carbs, fat and sugar!! So now you can tell exactly how many calories it is in that creamy ceasar salad.

So anyway, I decided to try them out. I made a simple order, included a special request and asked exactly how long it would take. The guy on the other end understood what I was saying, agreed to my request and said 40 mintues.
I received my order in less than 30 minutes, very nicely packaged, with a free juice included from 'Ali' the owner and 2 menus.
The food was good, the kind an upscale home cook would make, and the portions were perfectly sized. Also included was extra sauce.

I ate, enjoyed and 1 hour later I receive a call from them asking if everything was delivered on time and if I had any complaints. GREAT SERVICE!! Oh and GREAT PRICES!!

Eat 'Indirectly' Shit

"Honey, can I go with you to parties when we get married?"
"As my bitch you can!"

Needless to say I was not impressed. Boiling with anger I continued to ignore his calls for three days, until one day, while I was at the '7away' the phone beeped with a message and my mind beeped with an idea.

I messaged back "Ok meet me at the seaside, on the condition that you will do anything I say"
He agreed and I put my plan into action.

"Law sama7t, mumkin ta36eeny shay wayid wayid mur."
("Can you give me something very very bitter" )

I took the 'murra' and a bar of soap, paid and left.

I sat at the seaside with the little bag, pondering my situation. My anger taking over me. In those days, I was a little fireball, and worked hard to control my reactions. He walked up to me and tried to make conversation. I answered,

"Eat this." And handed him the bar of soap, the guilt at my cruelty pushed aside by anger and the little voice that told me, there was no way in hell he would do such a thing, and I could instead escape this marriage.

He looked at me incredulously and pleaded forgiveness. I stayed still as a statue unanswering, my stance unwavering, until finally, he unwrapped the soap and started to nibble.

I smiled.

"Do you forgive me now?" He asked.
"No. You have another punishment." I handed him the 'Murra'.

The same scenario was repeated, but this time he actually gagged at the extreme taste. Sputtering all over the ground, a group of women turned to stare as they walked past, and I smiled triumphantly.

"Now remember that next time you decide to call me a bitch!"

I drove off amazed at the lengths this man had gone through for me. Then burst out laughing as I remembered the '7away's' words,

"Hatha murra mishan saway is'haal wajid wajid gawy"

Poor guy, turns out that wasn't an exxageration :)

Operation Anti-Panti

I am sure you are all familiar with the painful predicament of 'The Wedgie'. The wedgie is when your underwear acts like ass floss. But unlike floss, which is slim and smooth, the wedgie is thick and rough. Kinda like wearing a rope as a thong. Now there are many forms of the wedgie. There is:

• The Slight One-Sided Wedgie - This is when only one side of your underwear is slightly misplaced. This can be annoying because you can feel the unsymmetry on your ass and know with every step you take, it will move closer to being...
• The Full-On One-Sided Wedgie- This is when one side of your underwear is stuck right up your butt crack. So you have one cheek all happy warm and enclosed, and one cheek hanging out all exposed. This is even more apparent when wearing a skirt, and only half your butt is getting aired. The full-on one sided wedgie is quite uncomfortable, however, be cautioned, trying to fix this dilemma by subtely pulling at your panties can result in....
• The Double Wedge - This is when both sides of your underwear are stuck right up your butt causing you excruciating pain. At this point, subtely will not work, and as seen on the streets all over the world, this is the cause for 'Fuck it, I am pulling my underwear out of my ass and I don't give a damn who sees' syndrome.

Now you may be wondering, why the hell I am talking about wedgies, and I will tell you. Throughout my life I have experienced all of the above, most commonly the 'double wedge' waking me from my much needed sleep (yes I have an abundant ass). I started an experiment, buying all kinds of underwear, from boyshort (turns out more cloth = bigger and better wedge) to briefs to minis etc. None of which helped.

Of course fully frustrated now with the equivilant of carpet burns on my ass I decided to start 'Operation Anti-Panti'. Operation 'Anti-Panti', includes burning of ones underwear and either not wearing any or sticking to the good old g-string, since you might as well start off with you underwear up your ass in the first place. At least that way you get to control the size of the wedge!!

So girls, please join me in the 'War Against The Wedge', keep your bras, burn your underwear, and lets all live in a happily unclenched world.

P.S. Men may translate the above as applicable to themselves.

Not Too Late???

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After receing the 100th email from them this week, I decided it was time for a different approach. I replied to their email with the below:

"It IS too late. I am broke already! :P
Merry Christmas from Kuwait. Yeah the one in the middle east."

I wonder if I will be hearing back from them. Hmm....

A kind and compassionate act is often its own reward

Christmas day is on Sunday. On this day I urge you to remember the Christians around you. More specifically, 'the help' i.e. your maids, cooks and drivers.

Please, please, please do something special for them on this day. By special I don't mean giving them a 2KD tip. I mean something that will make them feel at home and with family. Remember they are humans too, they get sad, homesick, angry, lonely and sick too. But there they are up at 6 am in the morning doing chores all day long!! And for what??? A measly 60KD. Something you and I would spend without having a second thought.
I know some families give their help the day off, and some only let them out in their company, incase they 'go bad'. Either way, here are some ideas:

1. Buy them large stockings and decorations, and fill their stockings up with candy and/or gifts while they sleep, for a nice surprise the next morning.
2. Invite them out to lunch or dinner or at least order a nice big meal in.
3. Take them all out to the entertainment city and let them go wild.
4. Take them to a movie of their choice.
5. Take them shopping in a low priced mall, such 'as Soug Salmiya' which includes 'City Centre', tons of cheap shops, and 100 fils stores, as well as, a bowling alley and pool tables. You can take your laptop along to starbucks while they do their thing.
6. Surprise them with new outfits or even just scares and mittens, before they venture out for the day.
7. Check out 'Arab Times' for other events they may enjoy.

Those are just a few ideas that would hardly touch your budget but would really touch their hearts. Feel free to add more ideas and please tell us how it goes :)

Weekly Confession Post #1

There is a website I follow (which I prefer not to mention the name of) that includes annoymous confessions. Some really crack you up, some just make you wonder. I have decided to post one every thursday.


"This happened 16 years ago, when I was 14.

Hearing some strange noises from behind my parent's door one afternoon, I got a little concerned. I knew what sex was and even what it sounded like. If I had heard those kinds of noises I never would have walked right in their room without knocking. It was more along the lines of snapping gum or clapping hands randomly.

Curious, I walked in, and got the shock of my life. Mom was handcuffed, bent over a footstool; leather collar on and a ball gag in her mouth. Dad was in a leather vest...um...behind her, and using a riding crop on her back.Mom saw me right away and looked horrified, but Dad was a little too...busy...to notice my entrance.

I didn't say anything. I just backed out of the room and shut the door.

Mom and I had a Mother-Daughter talk shortly after that. I know S&M is something some people like, and if done in a healthy and safe way there's nothing wrong with it, but when I think about S&M, that's the only image that comes to mind."

Movie Review: King Kong

Check out Mark's post he said it right. I would link to his post but this movie is not worth me trying to figure out how to link. Wayid 3alayh ina I am writing this post anyway!


Dumbass corny movie!
My friends and I made fun of it the whole way through. I didn't cry over my cat which I had for years, and this nut is crying over a gigantic monkey that just killed a bunch of people who were trying to save HER life!
This chick met the love of her life, and he risks her life for her, o akhrat'ha that bitch is froliking around with a monkey!! A monkey I tell you!!

Ana agool ro7ay motay wayid abrak!

Sij dumb blonde!!

(If you want the special effects, watch Jurassic park, at least that movie actually has acting skills and true suspense!)

Shamless Blog Plug #2

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My 2006 Wishes

1. Refer to picture (yes the writing)
2. To suddenly develop a 'skinny bitch' metabolism
3. Live alone (or with man in #1)
4. To master salsa
5. For my parents to suddenly become UBER cool
6. To figure out how to make a million
7. If #6 does'nt work out, then I will settle for invest in profitable investment
8. To become a world famous fashion designer (which would help #6 and #7
9. To take 2 years off to travel the world with guy in #1
10. Oh and a digital camera with video (tips?) plus new nokia

All Dressed Up and Nowhere to Go

Happy Holidays Everyone!!!

What are your wishes for 2006??

Tagged by Photoflow

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Nothing exciting, I actually had a blank desktop background, so I changed it back to my last one. Yes, I LOVE that movie and really connected with Jolie's character.


So finally I get to tag people for the first time. Hmm....I tag:

Spontaneousnessity
Mother Courage
BLaSha
Charisma
Misguided
The Don ®
Gigi
Sheba

and if she ever gets a blog, Desertrose :D

Body paint

Just saw an episode of dismissed. One of the dates was basically painting each other's bodies with body paint, while at the beach. Looks like great fun!!
Any1 know where I can get some in Kuwait?

P.S. I may also need a canvas :P

It's a Big Fat NO <--

I called my (ex) best friend a few days ago and asked her if she had informed Mr. Small hands that there is no way in hell I am marrying him and she tells me that last they spoke, they decided to give me some time to think about it.

So I am at the gym the other day and after huffing and puffing on the treadmill for 45 minutes, sweat dripping away, I jump off and nearly crash into him. Yup, yup, talk about awkward moment!!

So I say hello, shake hands, and continue in my typical Miyafushi way to blatantly stare at his never-ending forehead, christened with a few tufts of hair (he was wearing gitra last time). Mr. Small Hands meanwhile was staring extremely blatantly at my body! From head or should I say boobs, to my knees and back up again. Oh and not a quick once over, which would have been more acceptable. Oh no, he took his own sweet sleazy time. EWW!!

I may now add hairless head, bigger upper half body, muscle tee with the no sides so you can see his body wearing and EXTRA sleazy to his description. YUCKH!!

I actually remembered seeing him in the gym before and thinking YUCKH, and now my gym visits have become inconvenienced by this YUCKHNESS.

Shamless Blog Plug #1

Compliments: American vs. Kuwaiti

Case 1: American guy at gym.

Him: What's your secret?
Me (confused) : Secret???
Him: Yeah, you have lost a lot of weight, you look great!
Me (grinning and in shock): You KNOW me?
Him: Yeah I used to see you around during the summer. (i.e. he has seen my 'J-Lo' ass in a bathing suit tanning)
Me: Oh ok! Well thank you very much, it is so sweet of you to notice, I am truly flattered.


Case 2: Kuwaiti friend at gathering.

Him (accusingly): You have lost weight! You look good!
Me: Umm, yeah I lot some thanks for noticing.
Him: No no really! You have lost a LOT of weight!!
Me: Umm, well yeah, I have been working out, but its just a couple of kilos.
Him: No it can't be! I mean, you used to be OBESE! I mean really OBESE!!
(quick note, the largest I have ever been was a UK14, whereas he is 3 times my size)
Me: Well, I only lost THREE kilos.
Him: It can't be!
Me: Well it is. Hmmm, maybe I am just more in shape with the working out.
Him: Hmm maybe.

Dance class etiquette

After being away from salsa classes for a couple of weeks, I finally managed to go. I was so excited to be back, as anyone who has seen me dance will tell you it is my favourite pastime. So there I was dancing with my cousin, when the instructor called out "Change partners!" and just like that I nearly died of suffication, as I found myself in the arms of Mr. Stinky. Mr. Stinky a.k.a. the guy who has no life, no friends, and apparenlty no shower and thinks he can pull off dancing. Mr. Stinky also thinks that he is DA BOMB and will continue to pull you closer and 'teach' you how to do it 'right', while you are squirming to get away from him and unhold your breath.

Thus, I present to you dancing class etiquette rules for current and wannabe dancers:

Rule 1: Take a bloody shower ( no, not a week before)
Rule 2: Deodrant is your friend
Rule 3: Wear soft, light, comfy shoes.
Rule 4: When the instructor is demonstarting a move, watch and wait until they are done to try it out.
Rule 5: When dancing with a person for the first time, smile and introduce yourself. Be friendly.
Rule 6: Do not scratch your armpit, ass, nose etc. and then extend your hands to your partner. A la Mr. Stinky EWWWW!
Rule 7: If a move is not working out, do not automatically blame your partner. It may actually be YOUR mistake. Ask the instructor to point out what you are doing wrong instead.
Rule 8: Remember to listen to your partners requests. They may be getting tired of repeating the same move.
Rule 9: If you sweat, use a napkin, not your hands. Do not under any circumstances think your dripping sweat is sexy to your dancing partner.
Rule 10: When finished dancing with your partner, THANK THEM.
Rule 11: When finished with the class, THANK the instructor.
Rule 12: Remember, breath mints are your other friend.

If you are a wannabe, I know it seems a bit daunting. It takes quite a bit of confidence to take that first step and go to your first class. Things that come to mind are, "I will make a fool of myself", "I have no rhythm", " I will be the odd one out". But trust me, everyone there is doing their own thing and had to take that first step to be where they are today. If it makes you feel more comfortable, go to your first class as a spectator. You will see there are a whole bunch of beginners learning very simple basic steps. Next you can take your first class. Generally, you will be able to dance to a song, after 3 classes. Most importantly, relax, have fun and don't take yourself so seriously. Remember, there is nothing sexier than a dancer. SOO SEXY!!

Jaguar

A boss walked into the office one morning not knowing that his zipper was down, and his fly wide open. His secretary walked up to him and said, "Boss this morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?" This was not a phrase that her boss understood, so he went into his office looking a bit puzzled.
When he was about done with his paper work, he suddenly noticed that his zipper was not zipped up. He zipped up and remembering what his secretary had told him, finally understood. He then intentionally went out to ask for a cup of coffee from his secretary. When he reached her desk, he said,"When you saw the garage door open did you see my jaguar parked in there?"
The secretary smiled for a moment and said, "No, Boss I didn't. All I saw was a Mini with 2 flat tyres."

When pigs fly?

I was dumbfounded by her accuracy. I went into the room thinking, this should be a new and fun experience which I would take with a grain of salt. But I left the room 30 minutes later 10KD poorer and with a big grin on my face.

To cut a long story short, yesterday I had my first experience with a 'FAL' lady. You know, the scary looking fortune teller with seashells? Yeah, that’s the one. Here is a recount of exactly what happened, if for anything, then for me to remember.

I walked into the room at my friend’s house and she was sitting there on the floor with a towel in front of her. I said my hellos and sat down across from her. She was an Iraqi lady with a strong accent that I hardly understood. She gave me a shell and told me, this represents you, read your name, your mum's name and what you want over it. So yeah, trying to keep a straight face, I put the shell up to my mouth and said what she asked. Next all the shells were put into my hands and I had to spread them out on the towel. As soon as she looked at them, she told me literally every detail about my life.

Those details included information such as arguments between my best friend and her hubby, how many brothers and sisters I have and how we are currently having some construction work being done to our home in another country.

She also told me about future happenings which I am expecting, such as getting a new car, getting some good stuff at work, and how I was gonna travel soon. Oh and the biggest shocker.....a certain family member is pregnant! Now NOBODY knew THAT! She said that it would be a boy.

Other future stuff she mentioned was that my father would be receiving a huge amount of money from some deal, that my brother is gonna try and take a big slice of. And that two girls with me at work would have a fight.

Oh and here comes the juicy stuff, she mentioned two guys, the first guy, has nice 7in6awy skin lighter than mine. She said that we are in contact and both like each other but things have been rasmy between us. However, she said he would tell me he liked me very soon, and we would start chatting on the phone and get married after I come back from my trip, by March maximum. (At this point I was tempted to say, "As if I would marry someone that fast!" Apparently, he will be everything I have ever wanted and my mother will jump with joy and give out gifts or something. (wa3alaya, mo imsadga)

The second guy she mentioned briefly. He is an asmar guy who has been watching me for a while from afar and wants to get married but is too scared to tell me.

Other tidbits were that two friends I have are not being 100% open with me, that there are people around my family that are jealous and that I was an extremely open and kind person.

Here is the best part: She said I was the first person she did 'fal' to, who was completely not thinking of themself :D

In closing she said that I have many great things ahead of me and nothing bad. I should also mention that she always said "Wa Allaho Al A3lam" while talking.

So I left with a big smile on my face and within 1 hour a cute guy I know contacts me. And woo and behold, he tells me he likes me. If I could raise an eyebrow I would.

Meet, as in endure?

So I had been complaining to my recently married best friend about my mother's incessant nagging about me getting married. So she suggested I meet an old friend of hers. She gave me details and said:

Her: "Miya he is perfect for you, he is so open minded and easy going. But he is short"
Me: "Is he ugly? Is he fit?"
Her: "No he has a nice face and a fit body"
Me: "Sounds good, ok I will meet him"

That is how it started. When I said "meet him" I met as in casual hello while me and her were out shopping or something. So the day comes and I wear black pants and a white cardigan. My friends walks into my room decked to the nines and starts freaking out on me. She then proceeds to primp me out in a slutty but conservative suit (think sexy secretary), and paints my face with all colors of the rainbow. All the while I was thinking to myself, this better be worth it!

So we get to the coffee shop and he shows up. Within 5 seconds I was already regretting agreeing to it. I mean the warning sign of "IF HE WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER" was scrolling across my mind along with "TOLD YOU SO!".

My friend excused herself and he started a tirade of how much of a shitty person he is. Including details about how he has had lots of women, and he means LOTS of women, to how he likes to drink and gamble. I think he thought that I would have a problem with it and when he saw that I was like "yeah ok, so?" He just kept stressing it more and more. Along with how he wants to tell me the negatives before the positives. Actually, I think he is more turned off by himself than I was.

Anyways, I came away from the 10 minute, turned 1 hour meeting with:

1- He does NOT have a nice face.
2- He is not only short but has a MOUSY body too.
3- He reminded me of some-one yucky. I later remebered who!! My dad's SLEAZY friend who always grabs and kisses me in salutation, but only when his wife is not around! EWWW!!
4- He has REALLY small hands.

So while we had a lot in common, we even go to the same gym, salsa dance etc. I would only be friends with the guy not more.
I have also re-ranked my 'best friend' to 'friend'. So there is a free spot as my 'best friend' available for those interested.

P.S. I chose to write about this here, since any other person I tell this to will ask for a name, and I cannot diss a person then say who the person is. That is just unclassy and I am a classy lady :)

iBoxers

Listen to your ipod while lounging around in your underwear. They are for $22 each and if you buy two, you get 3 iTunes free! Available at freshpair.com.

Personally, I'd rather have the guy inside them.

Memoirs of a Geisha

Now if you have seen my profile you will know that "Memoirs of a Geisha" is one of my favorite books. I read it a while ago and what a page turner it was! I really understood the different emotions she was going through. At times you felt two conflicting emotions at once whizzing inside her brain and read faster and faster so you would squelch your curiosity as to how she would solve that dilemma. May I also mention that the book is subtly sexy yet ragingly raunchy at the same time?

The book was written by Arthur Golden from his real life source "Mineko Iwasaki". Well I recently found out that she later sued him for some discrepancies and wrote her own memoir called, "Geisha, a life". Both books are available at amazon.

As you probably already know, the movie came out a couple of days ago. Needless to say I am dying to see it. To my surprise, they cast Chinese actresses to star in the movie which caused quite a controversy. The NYtimes has an excellent review. Which since you need a login, I will paste here:



"December 9, 2005
MOVIE REVIEW 'MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA'
Underneath the Mask of a Heroine
By MANOHLA DARGIS
Swathed in silk and longing (mostly for a bald guy called Oscar), the big-screen version of "Memoirs of a Geisha" arrives with good intentions firmly in place. Based on the best seller by Arthur Golden, this lavishly appointed melodrama was directed by Rob Marshall, lately of "Chicago," and features the Chinese superstars Ziyi Zhang and Gong Li, and the Malaysian transplant Michelle Yeoh, as Japanese geishas swept up in jealous rivalries during the 1930's and 40's. In this cloistered world, men come and go as do history and warplanes, amid spectacularly unfortunate metaphors about male eels and female caves and one regrettably brief catfight in a kimono.
That catfight happens late in the story, long after Ms. Zhang's character, a geisha named Sayuri, has realized that the greatest obstacle to her happiness is an older star geisha, Hatsumomo (Ms. Gong). Sold to a geisha household, or okiya, as a child, Sayuri has long lived under the same roof as Hatsumomo, first as a prepubescent slave and then as a fully ripe rival. With her eye for beauty, Hatsumomo plots her challenger's demise with a ferocity that brings to mind both Joan Crawford and the Crawford impressionist Faye Dunaway in all their nostril-flaring, no-wire-hangers intensity. Clare Boothe Luce, who wrote "The Women," a poison-pen letter to her sex that became one of Crawford's more famous and least agreeable vehicles, would have approved.
Originally published in 1997, Mr. Golden's celebrated venture into higher-end chick lit centers on Sayuri, who survives a childhood of suffering to become a famous entertainer. Narrated in the first person, the book is embroidered with vaguely ethnographic exotica, Japanese words and phrases and a great deal of hothouse intrigue about who did what to whom and where. To the non-Japanese eye, the life of the geisha may appear intoxicatingly exotic, perfumed with face powder and the mildest suggestion of sex, but at least in the film, which is credited to the screenwriter Robin Swicord, the whole thing plays out like "As the Okiya Turns," complete with devious rivals, swoonworthy swains, fabulous accouterments, a jaw-dropping dance number recycled from Madonna's Drowned World tour and much clinching, panting and scheming.
Then again, there isn't all that much for a geisha to do other than serve and conspire. Rigorously trained from childhood, geishas dedicate themselves wholly to the paid amusement of male customers. Once upon a time in Japan, some women were in the service of procreation, others were employed for recreational sex, while the geisha operated in that gray area in between. (Curiously, the first geishas were men.) Geishas aren't typical sex workers; they're superclassy sex workers who sell their virginity to the highest bidder (the pretext in both the book and film for that unhappy bit about eels and caves) and rely on steady male patronage. But while serving a new customer every six months certainly sounds less untoward than, say, turning six tricks a night in a day-rate motel, who's kidding whom?
The book and the film attempt to attenuate the more distasteful aspects of geisha life, mostly by avoiding the contradiction between its degradations and its glamorous trappings. The story, after all, opens in the 1920's with Sayuri, then age 9 and called Chiyo (Suzuka Ohgo), and her older sister being sold by their impoverished fisherman father and spirited away into the dark, rainy night. The girls are soon separated, with the older sister sold to a low-end brothel and the future geisha sold to her okiya, a beehive of female activity run by a pair of crones cum pimps and supported by the labor of its clipped-wing queen, Hatsumomo. Legally bound to the crones, to whom she must hand over most of her wages, Hatsumomo hopes to secure her future by one day running the okiya.
The exquisite Ms. Gong looks like a gift that keeps on giving when trussed up in silk, but she and the film come most alive when her hair tumbles down and she sashays about the okiya, stirring the air with her tremulous rage. Having seen a very different future for herself in the gray eyes of the new girl, Hatsumomo directs all that fury toward her eradication. In time, this enmity will assume soap-operatic proportions and involve the rival geisha Mameha (Ms. Yeoh), who takes Sayuri on as a trainee, and the two businessmen whose attentions consume so much of the women's and the story's time: the Chairman (Ken Watanabe, the majestic hunk from "The Last Samurai") and his partner and friend, Nobu (the great Japanese actor Koji Yakusho).
Mr. Marshall can't rescue the film from its embarrassing screenplay or its awkward Chinese-Japanese-Hollywood culture klatch, but "Memoirs of a Geisha" is one of those bad Hollywood films that by virtue of their production values nonetheless afford a few dividends, in this case, fabulous clothes and three eminently watchable female leads. Although it's always a pleasure to see these three in action, and there's something undeniably exciting about the prospect of them storming the big studio gate, the casting of Ms. Gong and Ms. Zhang ends up more bittersweet than triumphant. Ms. Zhang, for one, shows none of the heartache and steel of her astonishing performance in Wong Kar-wai's "2046." When her character crumbles with desire in that film, Ms. Zhang's face seems to break into pieces - you can scarcely believe she could put it whole again. Here, you can hardly believe it's the same actress.
Ms. Gong's hauteur and soaring cheekbones work better for her character, a woman of acid resolve. Although there are moments when Hatsumomo comes perilously close to Dragon Lady caricature ("I will destroy you!"), the actress's talent and dignity keep the performance from sliding into full-blown camp. But even the formidable Ms. Gong cannot surmount the ruinous decision to have her and Ms. Zhang, along with the poorly used Mr. Yakusho, deliver their lines in vaguely British-sounding English that imparts an unnatural halting quality to much of their dialogue. The. Result. Is. That. Each. Word. Of. Dialogue. Sounds. As. If. It. Were. Punctuated. By. A. Full. Stop. Which. Robs. The. Language. Of. Its. Watery. Flow. And. Breath. Of. Real. Life. Even. As. It. Also. Gives. New. Meaning. To. The. Definition. Of. The. Period. Movie.
Copyright 2005The New York Times Company "

Jane Fonda make way!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you my latest purchase. What you are looking at is in fact a pair of sweatbands. I bought them not because they are splashed all over mtv and apparently the in thing, or because I am one of those fit people with perfect bodies in lycra who can contract their bodies with extreme ease and not break a sweat. Oh no, and I am not starring in a jane fonda wannabe exercise video either. The reason I bought them is that I recently realised that sweatbands are actually made to be used to wipe sweat of your forehead.

So anyway, yesterday I took my giggly ass to the gym, armed with my sweatband. (I only wore one since no way in hell can I pull off two) I go to a mixed gym mostly used by fit foreigners. So there I am on the treadmill, slumping along, while a 70 year old grandma was sprinting next to me in her tiny shorts, and I felt the first trickle of sweat coming down my forehead. So I tell myself, 'here is your chance to use your band!' but I couldnt bring myself to do it!, I felt like such a wannabe. The trickle came closer and closer to my eye, I had a small towel to my left and my armband on my right. I kept looking between them trying to choose while the trickle got dangerously close. Suddenly it was gone. I had wiped it off with my sweatband.And just like that I was in the fit, lycra layered, sweatband wearing club.

Maybe next time I will live on the edge and wear a headband.

PS. Guys (as in with male organs), what exactly is hot about a sweaty girl? and does she have to be in tight shorts and top, or will any sweaty girl do? :P

You looking at me?

I took a photo of this ad whilst getting a pedicure this afternoon. It is a wonderbra ad from the December Instyle magazine. I just though the way it was done is so clever. I opened the page and felt ooh, I'm so pretty, look at all those ppl checkin me out. Then Kaput! I realised it was just a damn ad! I am so buying a wonderbra!

PS. Like my pink polish?

Hmm, where did THEY come from?

They are there, in full force.
I don't know where they came from or what caused them.
Confusing me, taunting me, teasing me.
Moving up and down my body,
sending shivers down my spine.

I have butterflies in my stomach.

They have been visiting for a while, not sure when exactly they arrived. But they have taken me off guard. Carrying me into my own world of fantasy and etching an incessant grin onto my face.

The feeling is delicious, I just wish I knew why I have it.

Bright Light!! Bright Light!!

That's how I feel this morning.
Damn fluorescent lights!

Holiday 2005 Collection

No need to rub your eyes, they are for real, for about 20 bucks you can get your ipod all decked out for christmas, or any other occasion you see fit. Hell you can even wear matching costumes and be the talk of the town.

Brought to you from the guys at iattire

Houston, We Have A Problem.

So I wrote an interesting post about a silly situation I am in today, and as I was about to press 'publish' a colleague came over and made a comment, which made me scrap that post to remain anonymous. Therefore, here is the extended and edited version:

So after another night of no sleep, I dozed off about an hour before my alarm sounded and had a dream. I overslept trying to get to the good part of my dream, then my mum walked in and ruined everything :/

So yeah, I am sitting at work, half asleep, and trying to decide if I should go back home to sleep (and dream) after work, or go to a gathering where apparently I will be acting as my guy friend's girlfriend.

I noticed this at the past two events, where he would 'act' in front of people that he was my boyfriend. A couple of days ago I turned it into a laughing matter, with bursts of extreme jealousy when his phone rings etc. so people don't get the wrong idea, but the more I laughed the harder he pretended, until I finally said out loud that I am not his GF.

Anyways, today he informed me that I would be his 'couple' at the gathering today. Huh? Like HELL I will! I am single and proud of it goddammit!

I guess I better set the record straight asap, but still I dunno what to make of all this.

Things change

I had a revelation last week. I realised I no longer wanted it. In fact, if it was presented to me on a silver platter, I would refuse it.

Today, I read an old personal blog of mine, which I wrote during an extremely difficult week I had a year ago. At that time I was fighting for it, and from the looks of it, I must have hated life.

Fast forward one year, I no longer want it and I have never been happier.

The moral of the story is, you may hate something at that time, but you never know how things will turn out.

Chicken Nugget Exhibit 1

So I am driving along Maghreb Rd. to work, which was heavy with traffic as usual, and glancing into my rearview mirror, I see him coming. A big bulky guy on a Harley decked out in black leather, bike boots, tight jeans, the works!! All in black.

Cool, I thought to myself, I wonder where he is going.....then I saw "IT". I laughed, Oh God how I laughed!! The guy was wearing a fanny pack!! Oh and not a manly black inconspicious one, oh no no no! A big brown LV fanny pack.
http://www.eluxury.com/browse/product_detail.jhtml?styleid=10260164&SectionID=6000

At that point I wished I had a camera, which reminds me I need to buy one.

Movie Review: Flightplan

Great movie! However, I had some info about it before going which I think I picked up from the trailer that kinda spoiled the suspense for me. Nearly as good as Jodie's "Panic Room" and freaklily familiar. Of course I don't need to mention that the movie was chopped up. Dunno why since it was an important conversation that was cut. I know this because my sister who was watching the movie for the second time had seen it a couple of days earlier at fanar, and that part was uncut.

So what's going on with KNCC? It's no longer a matter of gore or sex, so is it now a matter of 90 min movies?Also, do they show different versions at different theatres? or do they continue to cut the movie with every showing?
I think it's about time I sent a complaint.

Things to do in Kuwait.

1- Go for a walk with your dogs (or steal you neighbors dogs) at the scientific center wearing this tee http://www.cafepress.com/cp/browse/store/insanits.25913915. The dogs not you.
2- Gather as many friends as you can, and go take dumb pictures going down the water log at the entertainment city. Yes the one in Doha its only 20 mins away goddammit!
3- Invite your family out to dinner, or a game of bowling, or a movie (to avoid conversation) that will keep them off yout ass for a while.
4- Drive all the way to kempenski and spend the day there having a nice lunch, play pool, and then a drive on the buggies.
5- Go somewhere new, other than the mall, cafe or restaurant.
6- Take a bunch of foreigners on a tour of Kuwait, especially soug al imbarkiya. Have kebabs, and drink tea with the old guys in the tiny cafe. It's a laugh!
7- Go paintballing.
8- Sign up at a course you've been meaning to go to.
9- Go shooting. Anyone can do it if you are of age, all you need is you I.D. It's right next to the hunting and equestrian club.
10- Go fishing at the pier or on a boat.

Well thats 10 activities, most of which have been tried and tested by me. Enjoy :)

(11- Explain to me how to hyperlink my links :P)

Intro

After a couple of failed attempts at blogging, I think I am finally here to stay. With inspiration taken from the talented Tata Botata's recent "Funny Saudi Car Plate" post I present to you "Chicken Nugget Central".

While living in Kuwait, I often get that feeling you get, when you're watching a comedy at a KNCC theatre and find that you and your friend are the only two cracking up, since nobody else there 'gets' it. So...

This blog is for all the times I've seen/heard/read something funny/interesting/weird that was just too chicken nuggety :P