I soo need a gun right now!

Anger: Audacity, pure audacity. After all that was said and done, you have the audacity of sending me a message at precisly midnight wishing me a good year. I know you have been there the past few months, calling me from weird numbers, watching me from afar. I didn't care. But that message means you want to weasle your way back into my life, I know how you work. Now THAT pisses me off. It means I have to keep my guard up to your player ways, which managed to trick even my mum.

Yes I know you love me like crazy, yes I know you want me to have everything and yes I know you have worked hard for years to turn yourself into something acceptable to my family, but frankly you will always lack honor and respect. So message to you is, 'Karma is a bitch, kindly take your lies, your tattoes and scars, your bitches and your cheating friends and get the fuck out of my life. Oh and about the aston, you can shove it where the sun don't shine!'

Fear & Frustration: I seem to have developed not only a fear of commitment but a fear of men in general, optimized at the moment by the above jerk. Which of course has put me in a situation where I find myself between a rock and a hard place and an even harder place. Yes, my situation will screw me over in 1 of 3 different directions and I have to decide which I prefer.
This situation is heightened by my mothers constant nagging to get married as well as her sudden suspicions of everything I do.

Dissapointment: I have plans for an eid trip which seems to have gone awry. I will be going with family and the only person I know there will be a person who is gonna drive home my anger, my fear and my frustration. Which sucks.
Also, I finally met one of my best friends after not seeing each other for more than a year. The meeting sucked as he was depressed and kinda made me depressed too ( I blame him for this post). I am also worried I may have hurt his feelings although he denied it.


That's how I am feeling in a nutshell. Now how do I fix things?